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HOW TO SING THE BLUES!!
Hilarious rules on how to sing the blues, a must read for any blues lover!
What does it say on a blues player's gravestone?
"I didn't wake up this morning"
Trivia, Song Parodies, Misheard Lyrics
Am I Right is jam packed with misheard lyrics, song parodies, band names, lymericks etc., from all eras. You can search the archives, vote on your favourites and submit a few of your own to the databases!
Bowie Wonderworld complete listing of misheard lyrics from David Bowie's songs.
Kiss This Guy the home of song parodies and misheard lyrics from all genres and styles of music!
- BIG BAND - 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.
- BLUES - Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.
- CLASSICAL - Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.
- FOLK - Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.
- HEAVY metaL - Codpiece and chaps
- HOUSE MUSIC - OK as long as it's not the house next door.
- JAZZ - Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.
- OPERA - People singing when they should be talking.
- RAP - People talking when they should be singing.
- WORLD MUSIC - A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.
The Blues is the Mother of all Knowledge
20 Blues Rules To Live By - Author Unknown
1. Do not trust the levee to function as intended.
2. Chances are if you can’t find your baby, she is with your best friend.
3. Trusting people that you meet at the Crossroads is unwise.
4. While sex with Stagger Lee's woman is great, the consequences are also dire.
5. Knocking on doors rarely works, run around back to see who’s slippin’ out.
6. While you may share your troubles, no one will know them.
7. The preacher man is frequently of no comfort.
8. Moderate consumption of liquor is uncommon.
9. Lemon juice on your leg is a satisfying sensation.
10. Your baby will always break your heart.
11. The long-term success of a railroad line is not good.
12. Your happiness is directly linked to the day of the week.
13. Travel is only possible by V-8 Ford or Cadillac car, bus, a train, or foot.
14. Your only possible choice of pet is a dog, and the dog must be old.
15. Death rarely happens by accident. It always requires some fair amount of fixin'.
16. No one is happily married.
17. The policeman is not your friend.
18. Your mama is rarely cold, and your daddy is never hot.
19. A moderate case of the blues has never been recorded.
20. An infinite number of blues can be created by the application of random nouns ("Roadhouse," "Milk Cow," "Highway," "Killing floor," "Summertime," "Bell Bottom", "Mexicali," "Folsom Prison", etc.) before the word "blues."
Glossary of Musical Terms
ACCIDENTALS: Wrong notes
AGNUS DEI: A famous female church composer
ALLEGRO: Leg fertilizer
AUGMENTED FIFTH: A 36-ounce bottle
BREVE: The time you spend when the line is short
BROKEN CONSORT: When somebody in the ensemble has to leave and go to the restroom.
CADENCE: When everybody hopes you're going to stop - but you don't
CADENZA: The heroine in Monteverdi's opera "Frottola"
CANTUS FIRMUS: The part you get when you can only play four notes
CHANSONS DE GESTE: Dirty songs
CLAUSULA: Mrs. Santa
CONDUCTUS: The process of getting Vire into the cloister
CROTCHET: A tritone with a bent prong - or
CROTCHET: It's like knitting but it's faster - or
CROTCHET: An unpleasant illness that occurs after the Lai, if prolation is not used
CUT TIME: When you're going twice as fast as everybody else in the ensemble.
DI LASSO: Popular with Italian cowboys
DRONE: The sound of a single monk during an attack of Crotchet
DUCTIA: A lot of mallards
DUCTIA: Vire's organum
EMBOUCHRE: The way you look when you've been playing the Krummhorn
ESTAMPIE: What they put on letters in Quebec
GARGLEFINKLEIN: A tiny recorder played by neums
HOCKET: The thing that fits into a crochet to produce a rackett
HURDY-GURDY: A truss for medieval percussionists who get Organistrum
INTERVAL: How long it takes you to find the right note. There are three kinds: Major Interval: A long time Minor Interval: A few bars Inverted Interval: When you have to back one bar and try again
INTONATION: Singing through one's nose. Considered highly desirable in the Middle Ages
ISORHYTHM: The individual process of releif when Vire is out of town
ISORHYTHMIC MOTET: When half of the ensemble got a different xerox than the other half
LAI: What monks give up when they take their vows
LAUDA: The difference between shawms and krummhorns
LASSO: The 6th and 5th steps of a descending scale
LONGA: The time between visits with Vire
METRONOME: A gnome who lives in the city
MINIM: The time you spend with Vire when there is a long line
MINNESINGER: A boy soprano
MOTET: Where you meet Vire if the cloister is guraded
MUSICA FICTA: When you lose your place and have to bluff till you find it again. Also known as faking
NEUMS: Renaissance midgets
NEUMATIC MELISMA: A bronchial disorder caused by hockets
ORCHESTRAL SUITES: Naughty women who follow touring orchestras
ORDO: The hero in Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings"
ORGANISTRUM: A job-related hazard for careless medieval percussionists, cause by getting one's tapper caught in the clapper
ORGANUM: You may not participate in the Lai without one
PARALELL ORGANUM: Everybody standing in a double line, waiting for Vire
PERformANCE PRACTISE: Sex education
PROLATION: Precautions taken before the Lai
QUAVER: Beginning viol class
RACKETT: Capped reeds class
RECITATIVE: A disease that Monteverdi had
RHYTHMIC DRONE: The sound of many monks suffering with Crotchet
RITORNELLO: An opera by Verdi
ROTA: An early Italian method of teaching music without score or parts
SANCTA: Clausula's husband
SINE PROPRIETATE: Cussing in church
SOLESME: The state of mind after a rough case of Crotchet
STOPS: Something Bach did not have on his organ
TEMPUS IMPERFECTUM: Vire had to leave early
TEMPUS PERFECTUM: A good time was had by all
TRANSPOSITION: An advanced recorder technique where you change from alto to soprano fingering (or vice-versa) in the middle of a piece
TROPE: A malevolent Neum
TROTTO: An early Italian form of Montezuma's Revenge
TUTTI: A lot of sackbuts
VIRELAI: A local woman known for her expertise in the Lai