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MUSIC JOKES

Music Jokes
Musicians Jokes Links
HOW TO SING THE BLUES!!
Hilarious rules on how to sing the blues, a must read for any blues lover!

What does it say on a blues player's gravestone?
"I didn't wake up this morning"

Visit our Jokes section for more musicans jokes!









Trivia, Song Parodies, Misheard Lyrics

Am I Right is jam packed with misheard lyrics, song parodies, band names, lymericks etc., from all eras. You can search the archives, vote on your favourites and submit a few of your own to the databases! animated drummer

Bowie Wonderworld complete listing of misheard lyrics from David Bowie's songs.

Kiss This Guy the home of song parodies and misheard lyrics from all genres and styles of music!

Musical Styles

The Blues is the Mother of all Knowledge
20 Blues Rules To Live By - Author Unknown

1. Do not trust the levee to function as intended.

2. Chances are if you cannot find your baby, she is with your best friend.

3. Trusting people that you meet at the Crossroads is unwise.

4. While sex with Stagger Lee's woman is great, the consequences are also dire.

5. Knocking on doors rarely works, run around back to see who is slipping out.

6. While you may share your troubles, no one will know them.

7. The preacher man is frequently of no comfort.

8. Moderate consumption of liquor is uncommon.

9. Lemon juice on your leg is a satisfying sensation.

10. Your baby will always break your heart.

11. The long-term success of a railroad line is not good.

12. Your happiness is directly linked to the day of the week.

13. Travel is only possible by V-8 Ford or Cadillac car, bus, a train, or foot.

14. Your only possible choice of pet is a dog, and the dog must be old.

15. Death rarely happens by accident. It always requires some fair amount of fixin'.

16. No one is happily married.

17. The policeman is not your friend.

18. Your mama is rarely cold, and your daddy is never hot.

19. A moderate case of the blues has never been recorded.

20. An infinite number of blues can be created by the application of random nouns ("Roadhouse," "Milk Cow," "Highway," "Killing floor," "Summertime," "Bell Bottom", "Mexicali," "Folsom Prison", etc.) before the word "blues."

Glossary of Musical Terms

ACCIDENTALS: Wrong notes

AGNUS DEI: A famous female church composer

ALLEGRO: Leg fertilizer

AUGMENTED FIFTH: A 36-ounce bottle

BREVE: The time you spend when the line is short

BROKEN CONSORT: When somebody in the ensemble has to leave and go to the restroom.

CADENCE: When everybody hopes you're going to stop - but you don't

CADENZA: The heroine in Monteverdi's opera "Frottola"

CANTUS FIRMUS: The part you get when you can only play four notes

CHANSONS DE GESTE: Dirty songs

CLAUSULA: Mrs. Santa

CONDUCTUS: The process of getting Vire into the cloister

CROTCHET: A tritone with a bent prong - or

CROTCHET: It's like knitting but it's faster - or

CROTCHET: An unpleasant illness that occurs after the Lai, if prolation is not used

CUT TIME: When you're going twice as fast as everybody else in the ensemble.

DI LASSO: Popular with Italian cowboys

DRONE: The sound of a single monk during an attack of Crotchet

DUCTIA: A lot of mallards

DUCTIA: Vire's organum

EMBOUCHRE: The way you look when you've been playing the Krummhorn

ESTAMPIE: What they put on letters in Quebec

GARGLEFINKLEIN: A tiny recorder played by neums

HOCKET: The thing that fits into a crochet to produce a rackett

HURDY-GURDY: A truss for medieval percussionists who get Organistrum

INTERVAL: How long it takes you to find the right note. There are three kinds: Major Interval: A long time Minor Interval: A few bars Inverted Interval: When you have to back one bar and try again

INTONATION: Singing through one's nose. Considered highly desirable in the Middle Ages

ISORHYTHM: The individual process of releif when Vire is out of town

ISORHYTHMIC MOTET: When half of the ensemble got a different xerox than the other half

LAI: What monks give up when they take their vows

LAUDA: The difference between shawms and krummhorns

LASSO: The 6th and 5th steps of a descending scale

LONGA: The time between visits with Vire

METRONOME: A gnome who lives in the city

MINIM: The time you spend with Vire when there is a long line

MINNESINGER: A boy soprano

MOTET: Where you meet Vire if the cloister is guraded

MUSICA FICTA: When you lose your place and have to bluff till you find it again. Also known as faking

NEUMS: Renaissance midgets

NEUMATIC MELISMA: A bronchial disorder caused by hockets

ORCHESTRAL SUITES: Naughty women who follow touring orchestras

ORDO: The hero in Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings"

ORGANISTRUM: A job-related hazard for careless medieval percussionists, cause by getting one's tapper caught in the clapper

ORGANUM: You may not participate in the Lai without one

PARALELL ORGANUM: Everybody standing in a double line, waiting for Vire

PERformANCE PRACTISE: Sex education

PROLATION: Precautions taken before the Lai

QUAVER: Beginning viol class

RACKETT: Capped reeds class

RECITATIVE: A disease that Monteverdi had

RHYTHMIC DRONE: The sound of many monks suffering with Crotchet

RITORNELLO: An opera by Verdi

ROTA: An early Italian method of teaching music without score or parts

SANCTA: Clausula's husband

SINE PROPRIETATE: Cussing in church

SOLESME: The state of mind after a rough case of Crotchet

STOPS: Something Bach did not have on his organ

SUPERTONIC: Schweppes

TEMPUS IMPERFECTUM: Vire had to leave early

TEMPUS PERFECTUM: A good time was had by all

TRANSPOSITION: An advanced recorder technique where you change from alto to soprano fingering (or vice-versa) in the middle of a piece

TROPE: A malevolent Neum

TROTTO: An early Italian form of Montezuma's Revenge

TUTTI: A lot of sackbuts

VIRELAI: A local woman known for her expertise in the Lai